Saturday, September 22, 2007
Random thoughts & tonight's soundtrack
Otherwise, by rubbing too hard to remove the rust, she may break the vessel. (Rule of Benedict 64)
Vigilance and control. The desire to be unique but not having the tools required to make the steps towards individuality. Striving for perfection everywhere, and thus running the risk of leaving oneself fragile, shattered.
Leave a little room for joy. You don't always have to be in charge. Letting go of that control is frightening, but it's the only way to give the gift of allowing others to give you the gift of happiness, spontaneity, surprise.
The only other choices are a lifetime of dull dissatisfaction, or a lifetime of bitterness.
The longer I live in St. Louis, in one spot, the more tangible it becomes that we are all interconnected even if we do not realize it. My actions in one spot of my life do have ramifications elsewhere. I recognize this both when I see others react to me, positively or negatively, and when I catch myself reacting to others. Unless I choose to move to Wyoming or Arizona or some other far-flung spot in my imagination, I am going to keep running into reminders of my past behavior. It only makes sense to be prudent.
But honesty? Self-preservation? Saying no?
It's a delicate balance.