A song that describes you..."Shotgun" by Jr Walker and the All Stars
I said, shotgun, shoot em for he runs now
Do the jerk baby
Do the jerk now
Long bus trips get me. They make me say things I shouldn't. In 1994, on that chartered bus home from Arizona's RA conference, instead of succumbing to the inevitable journalling and letter writing mania like on the trip there, I sat closer to the UH folks I'd hitched a ride with. I shared a seat with Ruben on the way back to Dallas, and before our hilarious late night breakfast at the truck stop in Amarillo, we found ourselves in a 9 or 10 person "True Confessions" game. One person asks a question, the rest of the people in the circle answer it. I was a total stranger and couldn't have cared less what they thought about me, and I was kind of interested, at least from an idle curiosity standpoint, in what their lives were like. I learned things like the reason Cathy used crutches was a non-progressive cerebral palsy-like syndrome. Ruben, whom I already knew was gay and very much not in the closet, was ostracized from his family. Eric was practically wed to his girlfriend Mary, but he was worried because all his friends hated her. By the fourth or fifth question, with all the folks answering, I was getting pretty damned tired and it made me a little loose with my words.
The next question was "what one thing could you never do, but you wish you could with all your heart?"
Ruben, who had presented at the conference about working with gay and lesbian students who live on your floor without tripping over your own two feet (and prejudices), said he wished he could go back and erase the night when he came out to his parents. Eric wished he could have a stronger personality, louder voice, better carriage with strangers. Cathy, whose crutches lay on the floor beneath her, wished she could dance.
I mean, oh my God. There were a couple of less poignant moments, but when it got to me, I couldn't take it.
"I wish I could be an assassin."
"An assassin?" repeated Eric. "But you know you couldn't because you couldn't live with yourself?"
"No, not that. I just know I'd screw up. I wouldn't have good aim. Not the steadiest fingers. I wouldn't be up to the task."
The game ended for several miles. Then I asked, "who was your first love?" and they all bounced right back.
I would be a bad assassin. But I like to sing this song and think about putting on high heels and a red dress...do the jerk now.